not all right.

I am SO tired of feeling like this. The feeling of never being good enough has one again leaked itself into my system. I haven't felt like this in so long, so maybe thats why this time it hurts so much.
Ever since I started dating Tyler, I have had a confidence in myself, and our relationship that I have never felt before. I believed my myself, I believed that I was beautiful, and an answered prayer to him. I never once had any doubts in anything that he said. Everything was just so perfect. Until last saturday. Ever since then, I have had this black cloud of gloom floating over my head. The little voices have come back, telling me that I'm stupid to think that Tyler could ever want to be with me forever. I'm just not good enough. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not exciting enough. How stupid could I be to think that someone like him would want to be with me?
I feel like I've trapped him in, that even if he wanted to escape this relationship that we have, he couldn't because he couldn't intentionally hurt me like that. I guess I've just started noticing little things that are different, and have changed. I over analyze them to the extreme, and I always end up coming to the worst conclusions.
I think that I'm depressed, but I don't know why. My life seems so perfect on the outside, so no one knows why I could be upset about anything. Truth be told, the inside of me is a HUGE mess.
I'm NOT okay. All these feelings being cooped up inside me, never do any good. I just want someone to talk to and be able to cry and bawl my eyes out like a baby. I know I have these people, but if I ever actually did that, I would feel so stupid. 
I'm so tired of this. I just want everything to feel normal and right again. I just want to know that I'm loved.
Is that really so much to ask?

new playlist, woo hoo!

weeeeeeell, here is my springtime playlist. It's a little different than my usual stuff, but I like it!

Wedding...Thursday?

Once again I forgot all about Wedding Wednesday. I am so right brained, it is not even funny. Schedules do me absolutely no good!
Anyways, here is a round up of wedding goodness that I absolutely love!

This whole wedding is just a gem. But the thing that I loved most about it was the kite boutonnieres! So cute, and they would be an incedibly easy DIY!

Eeep! I LOVE these handmade banners, and the wedding poster idea!

I found this adorable cake floating around my tumblr dash.

I love rainbow layer cakes so much.

*SIDENOTE* 

I'm sorry if I have been annoying everyone with my "oh woe is me" posts. I find that when I look back at events or certain times in my life, I don't really remember how I was feeling. So whenever I write it down, I can look back at this blog and be like "oh yeah, I remember now!" sorry if that makes no sense, nu it does in my head.

bleh

I hate it when I'm super upset, and I really have no reason to be.
It is seriously one of the worst feelings in the world.
I wish that I could just be numb to my emotions every once in a while, and not be so fragile.
My feelings get hurt way too easily, and I overanalyze everything way too much.
This week just needs to be over already, and I need to go to bed.

Random Wednesday

I think that this will be my motto until this semester ends. Something about this semester is just off, and I don't really like it that much. I'm fed up with being stuck at a community college, and not knowing what I want to do with my life. Some days I just feel so lost. However, I cannot let this bog me down. I find that as a person, I am an emotional timebomb. I am the first to admit that this is not a very fantastic quality, but it's what I am,so you can take it or leave it. This being said, I am going to try my absolute hardest to be positive and try my hardest to end this less than wonderful semester on a good note. I pre-registered for all my Fall 2011 classes today, and I am very pleased with how that worked out. Yay!

I am such a geek when it comes to outer space. I think that planets are fascinating and terrifying at the same time. They are absolutely beautiful.

I really really wish that I liked sushi. But I don't like cold meat or fish, so I don'think that I would like it that much. I've never tried it, I'm too scared. Perhaps I shall do it someday, but maybe not. I am such a baby when it comes to trying new foods.

gobbledygook

I don't understand why people are so quick to assume. All it does is hurt peoples feelings and make everything messed up in the end.
I've tried really hard to balance a serious relationship, friends, church, school, and work this year, and I thought I was doing an okay job of it. I mean, thats a lot of stuff!
Apparently, I'm not doing to hot.
I wish that people would understand that I don't spend all my time with Tyler. At. All. We don't ever see each other during the week except for wednesday nights. And that is only for like five minutes.
We hang out all day on saturday usually, because that is our day.
If I ever miss something church related, like bible study, it is PURELY school related. I can assure you that when I would much rather be at church with all those lovely people, I am in my room buryied to my nose in books and notes and stuff. NOT with Tyler.
Though it's nobodies business anyways, but for some reason, when it comes to me, assunptions are always made.

It makes me really sad that people think that I've turned into a boyfriend obsessed snob who doesn't want to be friends with anyone else. That is SO not true!
I love all my friends so stinkin much, and it breaks my heart to think that I have led them to believe that.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
It seems as if no matter what I do, I can't make everyone happy.
But maybe I just need to stop worrying about everyone and just focus on the people that are truly there for me.
There are going to be some roughish times coming up for Tyler and I soon, and I'm going to need all the love and support from friends that I can get.

Maybe I need to work more on my balance.
I guess time will tell how all this works out.

In other news, I got my TOMs today!

I am so excited to customize them!

communication.

see? communication isn't that hard.

I guess it's pretty easy to say that no one cares, whenever you won't tell them whats wrong in the first place.

I'm so tired of trodding on eggshells.

I'm so sick of never knowing what I've done this time to mess up so bad.

I'm so sick of everyone telling me things, instead of you.

you know, even a freakin text would be better than nothing.

I'm going to shut up now.

bye.

Deas Vail is love.

Can I just take a moment to say how much I love Deas Vail?

I LOVE DEAS VAIL!

The above video is their song "Excuses"

I think that this is my favorite song by them. My second favorite "Birds" but I think it's tied with "Sunlight"

(birds)

(sunlight)

mmmmmm mmmmm. they are so good.

today has been a fairly good day :) I turned in both of my huge projects at school, so that is a huge weight off my chest. After school, I came home and cleaned my room, and then I went to the bank (payday!).

After that, Tory and I went to Red Velvet to look around and get a cupcake. It was delish, and great to catch up!

Random Fact: I love hedgehogs!

I know, I know it's weird.

Anyways, Tyler is in the Readers Theater this year, and their play is "Hans my Hedgehog" I know it sounds kinda dumb, but it is SO good. Tyler plays Hans the Hedgehog.

They are all up in Columbia right now for the state theater competition, and he just called me and said that they got first! Yay!

I am totally excited for him, and tomorrow me and his mom are riding up there to see them preform in the finals! I am totes excited!

Well thats about all.

There are some other things weighing heavily on my heart lately, but I don't want to send out a cryptic blog message that will probably get mis-read.

I hope that everyone has a lovely weekend.

byyyyeeeee.

facelift gone awry.

In my frenzy of clicking buttons I somehow screwed up the blog completely.
I know that it is hideous, hopefull it will not last for long!

a much over due WEDDING WEDNESDAY, and a face lift!

I am on such a blogging kick lately, its weird.

Sometimes I can go a whole month without posting, and other times my fingers are constantly itching to type!

Anyways, so here are some very swoon worthy wedding things.

THIS DRESS.

everything about it is perfect. everything.

...I think that I say that about every dress I like. Ooops.

(I'm not sure of the source, I just found it on my Tumblr dash, and it was sourced to Weheartit.)

These bridesmaids dresses by Ivy and Astor.

via Green Wedding Shoes.

This wedding at The Muesem of Natural History.

So fun and creative!

View the full post here.

Also, I spruced up the blog a little! I like it LOTS better than the previous one. You like?

just because this needs to be said...

I don't ever think that I will understand cyber bullying. I've noticed a lot of bloggers that I follow talking about really mean "annon" comments that they get, and I think that's really sad.

No one deserves to be told mean things, but especially not by someone who they probably don't even know, hiding under the anonymity of the internet.

I know that when you create a blog, facebook, tumblr, etc. you are knowingly putting yourself out there for everyone to see. Thats why it is so important to pick and choose which part of your lives are going to be personal, and what parts are okay to share. 

Thankfully, I have never experienced mean comments from anyone, on any site that I use.

I use my blog, to document memories, and things that I find inspiring, and sometimes just to vent. I realize that things that I say, are completely my opinion and some people that read them may disagree.

That is COMPLETELY okay! If everyone thought the same about everything, this world would be so boring!

Blogging is a wonderful outlet for me. I know that I don't have many followers, but I'm honestly okay with that.

All the bloggers that I follow are all beautiful and creative people, and even though I don't know them, it makes me sad whenever people are mean to them , and constantly put them down. It is completely rediculous.

This being said, I'm going to go out there and spread some positive blog-love! 

I hope that every single one of you have a good day!

xo,

Karasyn 

the amazing power of a good read.

Reading books is something that I let slip away from me once I started college. I mean I've read TONS this past school year, but it was all text book stuff, and it was frenzied because I was trying to cram information into my head for tests and stuff.

I've been trying to make reading a big priority as of late.

It's amazing how much I enjoy time spent with just me and a good book.

I just finished Elixir by Hilary Duff. I know I know, it sounds way lame because it was written by the former Lizzie McGuire. But it was super good.

I had almost forgotten the way that a good book completely drags you into another world, where you forget about yourself, and your problems, and become the character that you are reading about.

I love that.

I'm confused about things this week. I find that I'm having a very difficult time reading people lately. I don't know what I can do to keep everything okay anymore, and I'm tired of feeling like I've always messed up.

(I'm in love with this shirt. but at $35 it is just a price that I cannot justify)

A lot of people think that my life is annoying. It used to bother me a lot, but lately I've learned that you just can't please everyone. The type of person that I am, is the kind that wants to please everyone all the time. I hate saying no to people, and I hate feeling as if I've upset someone. But sometimes you just need to say no, and people need to not get upset so easily. Thats all I have to say about that.

Today has been a great day. I finished my literary analysis, and I think it's going to get a decent grade. I'm hoping for a B, but obviously I'd be happy with an A. Sometimes it not the grade that matters, it if you put your full effort into it. I also got everything with my business group organized, and ready to turn in on friday. Group projects are one of lifes biggest annoyances, but I might as well get used to them since I'm going into business. Wooo Hooo.

(I really enjoy Taylor Swift. She has a way of writing everything that I am thinking.)

Work is really dead right now, and I have absolutely nothing to do. So I guess I'll go blog searching, or play a gazillion games of bubble shooter, or something equally productive.

tootles,

Karasyn

rings that make my heart sing

when it comes to engagement rings, lately I have been steering away from the tradition solitaire. I've decided that I like the more natural looking, less "bling bling" kinds of engagement rings.

I stumbled upon this etsy today, and I have fallen in love with almost every ring that I see. here are some of my favorites...

I just love them!

This next one is WAY less traditional, but it really makes my heart go pitter patter.

EEEEEEEEE. I LOVE IT. I know, I know, I'm way weird.

annnyways, those are just a few that I love. I'll prolly post more later.

byeeee.

summer goals 2011

(via sometimes sweet)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Goals really freak me out. But posting my goals for all the world to see (all 9 of you at least haha) gives me the drive to get them accomplished. Plus it kills the evil procrastinator inside of me :)

I've decided that my goals for this summer are going to be simple, but well worth accomplishing.

here they are...

goal number one

read AT LEAST 20 books. This one shouldn't be too hard for me, because I am a complete read-a-holic in anyways. But sadly, in the summer I get lazy with reading and just watch T.V. or something. Not.Good. This being said, I am going to complile a list of "summer reads" and I am going to read every single one. Even if I don't particulary like it that much. I feel like everyones voice should be heard whenever it comes to literature.

goal number two

read my bible/pray every day. I struggle with this a lot. I think it's becasue I don't have a consistent time that I do my bible studies in, so its hit or miss all the time. I want  to grow in Christ, and learn more about what the bible has to say.

goal number three

practice piano at least every other day. I am such a horrible practicer, it is not even funny!

goal number four

go for a walk/jog/run every other day. In the summer, I really have no excuse not to do this. The weather isn't too extreme, and there is a nice neighborhood right by my house that is perfect for walks and stuff. along with this I want to limit my soda intake to two a month, and not drink as much sweet tea! This could be hard, because sweet tea is always in the fridge in my house. But I shall try and overcome the temptation!

goal number five

put atleast $1000 into savings by the end of August.  This shouldn't be too hard, I just need to watch how I spend my money!

goal number six

take more pictures. This one will probably be the hardest for me. My camera is a Canon PowerShot that is about 5 years old. So obviously it doesn't take the best quality photos or anything. But I want to document the memories of this summer, so I'm going to conquer my fear of the camera!

So these are my goals. I'll come back with this at the end of August, and we'll see how I did!





mmmmhmmm.

I really need to finish my paper for english.
Like really really really bad.
Sadly, I have no motivation to do so. Oh well. As long as it is finished before Friday at 8:00 a.m. all is well in my world.

Last Thursday was my one year anniversary with Tyler. Wow. So crazy.
When I came home from school, Tyler came over and picked me up, and we went to Lighthouse Lanes to bowl a couple of games. I am such a terrible bowler, but it was totally fun, and I beat him at one game, so YAY ME!
After that, we drove out to DiArpinos which is this little Italian resturaunt out south. It is SO good. We were sitting at our table, and I had to go pee, so I went to the restroom. And when I came back, Tyler was standing there with his guitar so he could sing me a song, in front of everyone. I had told him a looong time ago, (I'm pretty sure it was right before we started dating) on one of our late night telephone conversations, that someday I wanted to be sung to in front of people. I didn't think that he would actually remember. But he did! He sang "Firefly" by Jimmy Needham. I love love love this song, and it really means a lot to me. Last February (2010) Tyler texted me to look up this song, and then told me that it reminded him of me. I was so ecstatic because at the time, I wasn't even sure if he like me or not! haha :) I still get butterflies everytime I hear it.
Then we went to the movies, and saw Big Mama. It was so stinkin hillarious I nearly peed my pants.
I can't believe that I have spent one whole year with him. It's so crazy to look back upon because time has just gone by so stinkin fast!
I can't wait for the rest of our lives together, it will be perfect :)

Sorry if this was annoying of cheesy or whatever, but hey, I didn't make you read it ;)

I don't really have anything to say...but here I go anyways.

Last night, I was such an insomniac.
My room was so super hot, and I couldn't get tired for the life of me. So, in an effort to get tired, I read through my entire blog from high school. oh man.
Just looking back at the complete 180 that my life has took since then is absolutely crazy. But in a good way.
I'm so glad that I started a blog. I know that I hardly have any readers, and my blog isn't the best in content, but blogging is a truly personal experience for me. There are so many memories, good and bad, that I recorded from my sophomore-senior years of high school. I'm glad that I have them all written out, to look at sometimes. (Is that weird? Eh, I don't really care.)
I wish that I could go back and tell my fifteen year old self who was experiencing her first broken heart that everything was going to be okay. I wish that I could go back, and laugh with giggle with my sixteen year old self whenever the drama was just too crazy. I wish that I could go back and tell my seventeen year old self not to get annoyed by the small things. To keep my friends close, and never let them go.
But I can't.
But ya know, I don't think that I would take back anything that happend in high school for anything in the world. All those things that I went through all shaped me into the person that I am today. All those moments when I thought that I was alone and completely unloveable, have lead up to a point where I can embrace love fully, and know that my heart is safe in the place that I have put it.  All the drama has made me more understanding, and more open to hearing others opinions before things blow completely out of proportion.

A lot of the time I find myself trying to make my blog more appealing to others, just in case someone new from the blogosphere comes in and reads. But I really shouldn't care. This blog is for ME. A place to record my memories, and things that inspire me. I wish that more people would understand that, rather than feeling as if they have to follow that latest "blog trends".

Well, I guess that no blog would be complete without at least one picture at the end.

haha.

(source)

Speaking of reading, I'm now going to read my new book.

I hope you have a good day.



prom: what to wear?

okay, so I guess that "what to wear?" really isn't the huge question, because I already have my dress.
wanna see?
okay, sweet! here she is...

sorry about the super grainy picture...it's the best JCP had.

I think its pretty, plus with the black, I can accessorize with virtually any color I want!

Annnnnnd the dress was only $40...SCORE!

okay, so the color combo (I really hate that word. I was just to lazy to spell combonation.) that I am thinking of is blue and silver.

I really love this shoe (Call it Spring, By Aldo for JCP), I think it would go great with the whole grecian theme of the dress.

Now that that is settled, we'll move over to jewlery. Which is a MUCH bigger decision, because lets face it. There are just SO many choices!

AHHHHHHH! So much to decide before May 7th!!

tumblr OBSESSED.

I never thought that I would get sucked into Tumblr. It didn't seem too exciting, I mean all you do is reblog photos. But somehow, it has sucked out my very soul, and now I be Tumblin' all day long. (not really ALL day, just when I'm at work...which is most of the day. pfff, I'm so lame.)
ANYWHO!
here are some of my favorite pictures that I have found today!

so true <3

ummmmm, can you say HOLY CUTE?! If Tyler wouldn't kill me, this would be our car for the rest of forever.

I love it when people wrap fabric around their heads. For some reason, I can not pull off this look at all. I think it's the shape of my face or something...I'm not sure. But it's sad none the less.

These muffins. I could eat them all the day long, if it wasn't for the fact that I would gain around 5000 pounds.

Someday, I think I will gather up my guts a get a tattoo. Preferably a matching one with someone, because I think that would be cooler!

Emma Watson. She is just too adorable. I have never seen a bad picture of her...EVER. So jealous.

This wedding looks like it was probably perfect. Speaking of which, I am like years behind on Wedding Wednesdays. Oh well. Ya'll haven't started a riot or anything, so I assume that there are no hard feelings!

This is magnificent. The End.

Today is going slower than slow. It is also an awkward day.

Here is why today is awkward:

1. My hair is completely up. As in bangs pulled back and a messy bun kind of up. It feels so weird, because I never do this. But my bangs looked like death this morning, so thats my crappy excuse.

2. I hate what I'm wearing. Plus my pants keep falling off my non-existent butt. My butt is completely non-proportional to my body. It's rediculous.

3. Work is SO stinkin slow. But I guess I should be thankful for that.

4. I have two papers due next friday, that I know I should get started on, but I haven't.

5. One of the said papers is a stupid Literary Analysis. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I actually understood the story. I don't...at all. So it's frustrating.

6. My tummy is rumbling and my mouth is dry. I hate that feeling.