I am SO tired of feeling like this. The feeling of never being good enough has one again leaked itself into my system. I haven't felt like this in so long, so maybe thats why this time it hurts so much.
Ever since I started dating Tyler, I have had a confidence in myself, and our relationship that I have never felt before. I believed my myself, I believed that I was beautiful, and an answered prayer to him. I never once had any doubts in anything that he said. Everything was just so perfect. Until last saturday. Ever since then, I have had this black cloud of gloom floating over my head. The little voices have come back, telling me that I'm stupid to think that Tyler could ever want to be with me forever. I'm just not good enough. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not exciting enough. How stupid could I be to think that someone like him would want to be with me?
I feel like I've trapped him in, that even if he wanted to escape this relationship that we have, he couldn't because he couldn't intentionally hurt me like that. I guess I've just started noticing little things that are different, and have changed. I over analyze them to the extreme, and I always end up coming to the worst conclusions.
I think that I'm depressed, but I don't know why. My life seems so perfect on the outside, so no one knows why I could be upset about anything. Truth be told, the inside of me is a HUGE mess.
I'm NOT okay. All these feelings being cooped up inside me, never do any good. I just want someone to talk to and be able to cry and bawl my eyes out like a baby. I know I have these people, but if I ever actually did that, I would feel so stupid.
I'm so tired of this. I just want everything to feel normal and right again. I just want to know that I'm loved.
Is that really so much to ask?
I know exactly how you feel. Last paragraph summed up pretty much what I've been feeling too. I want to talk about my problems but I don't want to burden people with them because they may seem minimal to them but it makes my world feel like it's falling apart. And that's dramatic and all but I really don't think I'm okay. I'll be just fine one day then the next day I'm depressed over I have no idea what. I could tell you over and over that your wonderful and awesome but it never seems to make things okay right? It almost makes them worse even though people tell you they love you everyday you don't feel loved. It's an awful loop that I don't have an answer for but I can relate. Really bawl your eyes out to me I'll just bawl too then we can be hot messes together.
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