But I do like fragmented sentences. they. are. so. cool. Also I find that when reading fragmented sentences, it's a lot easier to interpret the writers tone. like when someone types in all caps, THEY ARE EITHER VERY EXCITED! OR MAD, OR SCREAMING, OR HATING THE WORLD IN GENERAL.
interpreting typed sentences...ah the drama will never end. just add a smiley or an lol jk to the end of most sarcastic facebook status' and much heartache will be spared.
The only people that actually read this are my friends, and I'm cool with that. That means that I can say whatever I want, and it's not like I'm spilling my guts to the world...even though this is the internet...oh well.
Brooke suggested that I write down at least one thing a day that I like about myself. I decided to do it. I think that this might help with my self hate issues. I'm going to keep a journal called "You(Karasyn) are Good Enough." I am going to write down what I like in there, and on here. we'll see if it works.
Day One. I like that I have never dyed my hair, and I get compliments on my natural color which is reddish, and I LOVE red hair.
this girl has a pretty sweet tat!
I am a jealous person. there I said it. I find that I have a hard time admitting my problems. I like just to blame stuff on other people, but most of the time I have a huge part in how I make myself feel. I was jealous when Tyler had to "love" another girl in Les Mis. Partially because she was his ex, and partially because she is super pretty. I got over it though, becuase Les Mis is over and they really can't stand each other anyways. Then I got jealous yesterday because he started this salsa dancing thing at his school, and his partner is another super pretty girl who is a seriously incredible dancer. And then he posted a facebook status about how he had the best partner in the world, followed by :D :D :D, and then saying that he was so thankful for everything that God has given him.
Naturally I interpreted this in the worst way, and immediately the insecurites that I've been trying so hard to push away popped up again.
I'm so scared. I'm scared that one day Tyler is going to wake up and realize that he could do so much better. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do! I trust him with my whole heart, and I know that he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me.
I just do not understand for the life of me why he would pick to love someone like me. I'm a wreck inside. I'm a bundle of insecurities and doubts. I'm cynical. I'm hard to open up, I keep to myself, and I keep my emotions to myself which usually cause an explosion of emotion in the end.
I know that he loves me, and I know that whith all my heart I love him. It's just hard sometimes knowing in my heart of hearts there are girls out there that would be so much better for him. Prettier girls, confident girls, girls that wouldn't cry over every single little thing. Girls that wouldn't be so needy, and have to be constantly reassured that they are loved and beautiful in his eyes.
I want to be better for him. It's just hard.
Well thats that. I'll probably feel better in the morning. I'm a gemini, and multiple personalities come along with that.
Everyday I make a picture folder on my computer with pictures that describe my mood or how I'm feeling. Here are some pictures from todays folder.
Every girl has the same insecurities just because they can hide it better doesn't make them better people. And those girls that are pretty and confident and look great are usually more of a mess. I'm a mess all the time too. I usually just wander around hoping things turn out well and usually they do. So you are not alone by any means. You need to have a girls night where you actually have a good talk with someone instead of talking about how good the food tastes or whatever we talked about in high school. I had no idea so many of my friends felt the way they did until we ACTUALLY talked. It's a very fufilling moment when you know that you aren't just being dumb.
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